It’s your favorite poker reporter and I have an exclusive for you. I have been able to sit down with the season 10 CHAMPION and we had a couple drinks, a little meth and a good chat beside the dumpster I’m living in.
RR: so you are the new champion, how does that feel?
BH: I think you mean the new champion and team champion of the 10th season of the BB poker tour
RR: yes you are both of those, how does it feel?
BH: As the great poet Ricky Bobby once said “Plain and simple, when I wake up in the morning, I piss excellence”. So yeah, that’s how I feel
RR: that makes sense. With what are many calling the most historic win in BB Poker history, who would you like to thank for helping you get to this moment?
BH: first off I would like to thank me, without me I wouldn’t have won it all. Second I would like to thank Mitch for putting a bounty on me and inspiring the greatness that I have inside of me
RR: I’m glad you brought that up. What was it like to have a bounty on you?
BH: honestly I didn’t care, to win the bounty you had to knock me out, but we all knew that wasn’t going to happen
RR: speaking of knock out, what was going on with you and Bryan?
BH: sexual tension is really all I can say. He saw how good I was looking sweating in a house in the winter. I was having that sweat drip down from my forehead and all the way to my ball fro. Just the thought of that got him going. Can’t blame him, I’ve had me and I’m fantastic
RR: your team won the Napper cup this year; can you explain what your mind set on drafting was?
BH: my entire life I have been a huge supporter of the Special Olympics. So I drafted who I think most resembled those athletes (in looks and skill). I was able to get “look who won a tourney” Phil , “I hate poker but love mozza sticks” Forsyth, “wish I was as good as my brother” Roos Jr. and “never showing up because of date night “ Walker. This was like an after school special where the little bus riders were shown there is more to life than trying to bite your ear. I’m glad I was able o help those guys and when they are beating it like they stole something at night, I hope they think of me
RR: Smallers had a chance and many feel he had a historic collapse. What are your thoughts on that?
BH: well like in golf, he can’t play against me in the clutch time. Remember that he’s the guy that was winning by 3-4 stokes after 3 and loss by 11 at the end of 9. So yeah, all I need was the pressure of wining on his shoulders and then I took it from him. It’s like a team that wins all the games in the preseason and regular season and then loses in the finals.
RR: oh so you mean you’re like Manning against Brady?
BH: I’m like the Manning’s that actually contribute and not have some guy that makes a person catch a ball with his forehead. Like Peyton or Cooper, you know winners
RR: Your life partner Mike had a rough year this year. Any idea why?
BH: you don’t get called the RyeTards if no one is drinking rye and you’re both retarded.
RR: What was your biggest “AH HA” moment this yea?
BH: man there has been a lot of them. Maybe how much Salmond hates Palomines house was a shocker. It’s a nice house but man does he hate it. Chris B bluff by calling always surprises me as well. Take a look at your cards man, and may don’t think a pair of pocket 2 will win it all.
RR: so what’s next for you after this amazing season?
BB: to be honest, I’m fully expecting to go back to my old style of play. Bluff lots and be in the loser lounge where I belong