Kicking off the new year with a new song. Powered by the league’s very own AI: ChatBBPT.
Lyrics
MacGyver a popcan
Leave open the door
But a straight don’t count from king to four
Double the blinds Rub a four leaf clover
You just got knocked out! Send somebody over
Mitch, pleeeease
Of course we got that uncut cheese
Earth day candle poker? Oh, damn!
Thought he was a joker because the kid’s a ham
Once upon a time Chris said Kyle’s overrated
Well, it’s been twelve years Are the stats updated?
Spend your Saturday nights with middle aged men
Because the chance may never ever, never come again
Yo, have you met the Dirty Commish?
Have you tried his pink hamburger dish?
Are you waiting for your fantasy payout?
He’s like a football Sopranos – Fuhgeddaboudit!
So players get 20 bucks even if you gotta scrounge
Because it ain’t the same without You in the loser lounge
Saturday! Saturday! Saturday!
The league’s like mud wrestling and monster trucks
Except not quite so stuffy and upper crust
Kyle hates a bad beat that ends his deep run
Hey, look at the bright side. You had fun.
Kyle’s the king of loopholes Oh yeah, he’s found plenty
Darryl’s on break, gonna drop and give us 20
Or play guitar, piano or a turn-based strat
Clash of Clans League of Legends Something like that
Yeah, Phil runs a tight ship
Totally legit
Managing logistics
Payout statistics
And seating characteristics
Excel skills? Artistic
And hitting a royal Unlike your boy Doyle
Who’s hit a couple bubbles
Naw he ain’t looking for no trouble
He’ll put you to the test Make you really think
Because he’s patient on the felt and a tiger on the links
Shuffle up and deal at exactly Half past seven
Just blind me out boys, Should be there by eleven
Sing the Top Gun theme, Watch someone chip dump
Next thing you know you’re Taking chump change from a chump
Tells? We got ’em!
Beers? We brought ’em!
Rules? We fought ’em!
Smallers started from the top Now he’s near the bottom
But 21 in a row might never be broken
Now his game’s a joke and Under pressure he’s chokin
Yeah, you know how he be
He ain’t no Bobby with a three peat
(Speaking of can’t be beat)
He was locked on repeat!
First and only time in the whole damn BBPT
Jeff! Your deal! Pay attention! You’re late!
Oh, snap! We lost him to Weekend Update!
Danny’s no better! Mustache and homeless sweaters
Like we found him on the street
Quick! He prolly needs to eat
He may be okay to stay and play today if a Veggie Tray is on display mmm kay?
Okay, the tour is serious business
Just mark my damn words
So what if we once dealt a few hands backwards?
Yeah, we’re human Sometimes we make mistakes
Smallers! Touch the timer! And when the hell is break??
He spends his days in a bank working on the economy
He’s known to the tour as The statistical Anomaly
Like, how many times can a dude beat the odds?
He won’t ever miss a game: He’s gotta get them quads
So the tour’s got two math Jeffs represented
Back of the napkin math says: unprecedented!
Both are math guys Yeah, almost phds!
But only one does Harry Caray and Gilbert Gottfried
Jamie likes a reference way more than you’d think
Like a little bit of “wash your face in my sink”
or “mom’s spaghetti” or Mario Andretti.
Just be ready for throwbacks aplenty
He’s missed a few lately Like gets busy for this fella
Wanna hear sick flow? Ask for Mix-a-Lot in acapella
Oh, yeah Come on, now
He was the kickoff specialist back in the Early days
but this would-be Hip vocalist’s Game’s changed in many ways
Hasn’t won in a while It’s Mikey’s dead card era
Wins are hard to find Like water in Sahara
No dress rehearsal This is a quest for luck reversal
Luck is fleeting; Leaves blowing through town
“Hey, if anyone’s getting blown around”
Here’s an idea: Sit your ass down
We’ll play hit the post or show Bobby clowns
Never looks at his cards, puts himself in a spot
How the heck can you play if You don’t know what you got?
He’s up the creek without a paddle
But you know he’s going to straddle
The buck be stopping here
He be drinking foreign beer
Chris is forced to look now
Can’t leave it up to fate
Says he likes F1 and his footy Wait!
You wot mate??
All right, now He’s like Santa every day except with bills and flyers
He’ll bluff, call or raise to build chip empires
Says no to the dip, brings his own bowl of almonds
Fitness game on point Yeah, that’s vintage Salmond
If he gets a hand he likes, or if he really hits the flop,
he’ll hit you with an all in like a Hogan leg drop!
Well Ooh la la and c’est la vie!
That’s French for y’all and our boy Lortie
Now, get your chips in the middle in the right amount
because Dan will let you know that there ain’t no discount
You know winning take some je ne sais quoi
like learning about computers or even the law
Yeah boys, approach the game from all angles!
Every which way Like your dad’s sick dangles
Hey there. Hello. How’s it going? Wassup?
Anyone know where the hell we put the cup?